In 2003 this country was obsessed with Afghanistan. A patriotic fervor in the air which said: We must invade them and save them from the Taliban. I must have been 13. I am now 33. I hit refresh on my Apple News Feed. Story after story talks in code: Islam represses women. Of course, those aren’t the words they use. They say “The Taliban will set women back 20 years now that they’ve taken over Afghanistan.”
We all know what they mean.
How do I know? Because I’m an expert at reading Islamophobic code. It’s etched into my joints from years of bending myself to seem like less of a threat. There were whole years I didn’t even mention my religion or its tenets. That kind of internal silence isn’t good for the soul. Like drinking rancid chicken soup with Americana on the label.
Claudia Rankine wrote about all this in my favorite book of all time: Don’t Let Me Be Lonely. I love that book so much I marked it up and down and wrote all through it. Then I gave it to a friend. Then I bought two replacement copies, one of which is still in its packaging. I don’t ever want to lose that book because it will always remind me that I don’t want to be lonely. Even when I am alone.
I think about it now as I reflect on everything happening with Afghanistan. Everything that has happened. That will happen. And I think of all the ways this country has destabilized parts of the world that are home to people like me. And how this country criminalizes people like me who only know of one home: this country. I think of all that as I hold my long blue book, DON’T LET ME BE LONELY across its front. I hold it and am comforted by the fact that I’ll always find peace in this book, if nowhere else on this earth.